


Mac Finds A Boyfriend

by lunstor



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Borderline Personality Disorder, Dennis Reynolds is a Bastard Man, Eating Disorders, Jealous Dennis Reynolds, Jealousy, M/M, Translation, he's a mess what's new, slight suicide attempt, the bastard man WILL suffer, this is the reason, we all know why rcg didn't already give mac a boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:14:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25068235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunstor/pseuds/lunstor
Summary: Apparently, after the coming out, Mac had every intention of finding a boyfriend.Really, a boyfriend.Yeah, right.
Relationships: Mac McDonald/Dennis Reynolds, Mac McDonald/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 35
Kudos: 110





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Mac Finds A Boyfriend](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24406576) by [lunstor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunstor/pseuds/lunstor). 



_11:04 PM_

_On a Friday_

_Philadelphia, PA_

«That guy's still talking to Mac, huh?»

Dennis turned his head to his sister. He shrugged his shoulders in indifference. «Really, Dee? I hadn't noticed.»

Dee raised an eyebrow. It was clear she didn't believe him one bit, and if he had to be honest, Dennis couldn't really blame her. He'd practically spent the last half hour behind the bar counter drinking vodka, with his eyes glued to Mac and his new friend, both sitting at a table on the other side of the pub. The guy was pumped up, had short dark hair and was most likely an idiot. Exactly Mac's type.

«Mine was just a simple statement, no need to be sarcastic, asshole.»

«If you come and annoy me with useless questions, I'm certainly not going to answer you seriously. Don't you really have anything better to do?»

Dee caught his eye. «Not that I'm interested in having a conversation with _you_ , but I thought _maybe_ I could go talk to my brother, since he seems to have every intention of feeling sorry for himself and getting drunk all night, so sorry for that.»

Dennis felt irritation rise. _He_ , feel sorry for _himself_? How could she even dare to think that? At most, it was other people that felt sorry for themselves because of Dennis. He didn't bend to such emotions. «Until proven otherwise, you're on your fifth beer because of – what was the name of the last one? Tyler? Tony?»

«You're such a dickhead!» Dee yelled at him. It meant he had hit a nerve. Now she was gonna be so mad at him, she was gonna go to the office and finally leave him alone.

Or at least that was his plan before Charlie came out of nowhere and decided to have his say. «I've never seen him so immersed in a conversation with someone he wants to fuck.» That's perfect. Apparently, the only topic of the evening was Mac. Which said a lot about how uneventful that day had been. Otherwise, under normal circumstances, Dee and Charlie would have never given a shit about Mac and what he was doing.

«He usually shows off his muscles and then leaves his phone number to the other man. This is different.»

Dee snapped her fingers in approval. «That's exactly what I was thinking! This is the second time this guy's come to the bar for him, and Mac hasn't even tried to bring it home yet!»

Dennis took a long sip of vodka straight from the bottle. Hearing those two talking about Mac's very active and very gay sex life made his stomach contract horribly. He had no idea why, but ever since Mac came out and started living his life to the fullest, Dennis had started to hate hearing about his many conquests. It had never been a problem before, although the women he'd done were a lot less than Dennis', but now...

Now Dennis just wanted to scratch his face so that no one else would come near him, or do something equally violent. Every time he had to sink his nails into the palms of his hands and feel the pain to calm himself down and not scream in his face that no, he didn't care how many men he had already fucked, and that he could suck every single dick in Philadelphia, he didn't give a damn.

Dennis had never considered himself a homophobe, but apparently having your roommate and best friend of over twenty years openly gay instead of repressed by Catholic guilt was an entirely different story. He hated feeling like that.

Charlie managed to remain silent for a few wonderful seconds before he started talking again. «Do you think Mac really likes this guy, like, _really_ likes him?»

Dennis looked at him in shock. «What? Don't be ridiculous!» he exclaimed automatically. He regretted it immediately.

The other two looked at him, confused.

«Why would that be ridiculous?» Goddamn Dee. Never one to leave him alone. «Mac's been saying all he wants is a boyfriend _for months._ Maybe this is it, and he'll finally stop nagging us all the time.»

Dennis snorted. «As if Mac could get himself a boyfriend. No one could put up with him.» He took another sip of vodka.

Really, get a boyfriend.

Yeah, right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a translation of my own fic, english is not my first language so I'm sorry for eventual errors!  
> The fic is already finished, so I will post every few days.
> 
> rcg please give us jealous Dennis I'm begging


	2. Chapter 1

Okay. Maybe Mac _wasn't_ the lost cause Dennis thought he was.

The guy from the night before had apparently decided that, on the contrary, Mac was even worthy of a date. And it was that date that Mac was preparing for.

Two hours in advance.

«You think wearing a mesh shirt is a little excessive for a first date? Or are the rules of the gay world different? I don't have a clue, I’ve become gay only recently, even though I've actually been gay all my life but you get the concept, at Rainbow usually the less you're dressed the better, but that's a gay club, not a restaurant, but I'd also like to be sexy but without looking desperate, I wouldn't want to scare him, and fuck Dennis! are you listening to me?»

Dennis inhaled deeply. He wouldn't beat his best friend for his total inability to shut his mouth for five seconds straight, absolutely not. It wasn't his fault if he was clearly inept in relationships, gay or straight or whatever, and if he didn't have an ounce of Dennis's charm and class. Not everyone could be a golden god. Once again, he should have been the one to help him. After all, he was magnanimous.

«First of all no, you're not wearing that thing. I'll take care of your clothes. Secondly, go immediately and take a shower to get rid of that stench and that gel in your hair.»

«But I'm wearing two colognes!» replied the other, indignantly, as if that wasn't exactly the problem. «Besides, the gel is classy, bro, it took me half an hour to get my hair done, I can't ruin it!»

«I'm perfectly aware you've got _two colognes on you,_ Mac, that's exactly why you need to take a shower. And putting two pounds of gel on your head is not classy. Trust me, okay?»

Mac crossed his arms around his chest and sulked like a five-year-old. When he saw that Dennis wouldn't let go, he sighed an «all right» and headed to the bathroom to do what Dennis had told him. Good.

This gave Dennis precious minutes of silence without Mac's anxious presence. He had never had such a reaction to the prospect of a date before, but it was still true that this was his first date with _a man,_ so the situation was very different.

Dennis also headed back to his room – because of course when they returned to their old apartment Mac was absurdly convinced that they would still sleep together in the same bed as they did at Dee's, even though they now had two separate bedrooms again, so he hadn't yet bought a closet for himself – and started digging through their clothes.

He found, in order: no less than twenty sleeveless t-shirts, at least half of which had originally belonged to Dennis, three identical gray polo shirts that Mac reserved for their monthly dinner at Guigino's, a single black suit with a white shirt, glittery tank tops for his nights at the Rainbow and other pants absolutely unsuitable for the occasion. God, he was really hopeless.

Dennis took the black pants and the white shirt, the only things that could be saved, and laid them on his bed.

The sound of the shower stopped suddenly and a minute later Mac came out of the bathroom with only a towel on his waist and another one on his head to dry his hair. Dennis once again felt his guts twisting watching that body. They were both over forty, yet time seemed to have brought nothing but good things to Mac. He had gone from being a twink wearing clothes that were too loose for his size to a muscular man whose shirts risked of being tore apart more and more each day. Not to mention the signs of age: not only did he not have any white hair yet, but even the first expression lines that were beginning to appear on his face only gave him an aura of serenity that had never been there before. Or, maybe, that was just the appearance of a person who had finally made peace with the world and with themselves.

With Dennis, time had not been so magnanimous. His once slim and toned physique was beginning to show the first signs of decay, and no matter how many meals he tried to skip without Mac noticing – and Mac _always_ damn well noticed – that didn't seem to change. Every day in the mirror he spent minutes counting the new white hair growing out of his hair, the new wrinkles appearing into his skin, and no matter how much Mac tried to reassure him by telling him that no, they weren't noticeable, and that he looked great even so, Dennis knew he was only doing it because he felt sorry for him, and so he spent more and more time every day carefully covering himself with foundation and concealer until even the slightest imperfection disappeared from his face. And although he continued to falsely claim it was useless, in the end Mac always offered to help him dye his hair.

Dennis cleared his throat. «Here are your clothes. Not that there was much to choose from.»

«Thanks, bro, I was literally going crazy deciding what to wear» Mac replied with a huge smile.

Dennis left the room to give him some time to get dressed. After a few minutes, Mac peeped out of the bedroom with finally decent clothes on. «So, how do I look?»

As expected, he had put on his shirt and rolled up his sleeves over his elbow, which didn't hurt his overall appearance. His trousers still fit perfectly, and the shirt wasn't _too_ tight from the muscles. The collar, of course, was all creased.

Dennis walked up to him. «You’re incapable of wearing a simple shirt in a decent way, as always.» He unbuttoned a button to make the look more casual and began to juggle to fix the collar better, then tried to iron the fabric of the shirt with his own hands.

Mac let out a trembling sigh. «I think that's ok now, don't you?»

Dennis looked up. The tips of Mac's ears had become red and he was staring at him. His gaze had become adoring. Dennis let go immediately, as if he'd been burned by the contact.

Dennis wasn't stupid. He knew very well that Mac was attracted to him, even before Mac realized it himself. Not that he blamed him: after all, no one had ever been able to resist him.

But if before he had no problem exploiting this little infatuation, now things had changed. The post-coming out Mac was no longer hiding behind a false facade of hyper-masculinity, or at least not to hide his gayness, and this was also shown in his attitude towards Dennis. Not that he had ever been particularly capable of hiding his feelings in any area, but now he had become much more explicit. When Mac was around, he never missed a chance to touch him in any way, whether it was with one hand on his arm or on the small of his back; when Dennis wanted to make sure his stripper ballet worked and he tried it on Mac, the other guy's face lit up, without any remorse or shame; and when Mac gave him the RPG on Valentine's Day...

No. It was getting too serious.

He cleared his voice. «Yeah, that'll do it. And don't put any gel in your hair or more than one cologne, all right?»

Mac seemed to realize what he was doing and came back to his senses. His ears got even redder.

He mumbled «if you say so» and passed his hand through his hair, still a little wet. Yeah, it looked a lot better without the usual amount of gel.

Several seconds of awkward silence passed. «So... _Lethal Weapon_?»

Mac's smile was more than enough of an answer. «Yeah, dude!»

They spent the rest of the late afternoon ignoring Dee and Frank's calls – who he was sure were nagging them to know why the hell they hadn't gone to the pub yet – and reciting every single line of the movie from memory. Things with Mac had gotten more complicated, and sometimes he felt they were further apart than they'd ever been, but it was at times like this that it all went sideways. All they had to do was sit together on the couch and watch a movie they had probably seen dozens of times before and suddenly they were the old Mac and Dennis, the ones who couldn't stay away an hour without at least texting each other. He felt like he was still in his twenties and had just decided to spend the next years of his life living in the same apartment with his best friend, the same friend who was also his loser drug dealer at high school and now owned a pub with him.

But like every time, the present grabbed him by the hair and yanked him back into reality.

The doorbell rang.

Mac got up to his feet. «Oh, that must be Ted.»

And so, with one sentence, all his good mood had gone to shit. He felt the rage boil in his veins again.

Mac didn't seem to notice anything, or he'd just gotten used to his sudden mood swings, which is why he turned to Dennis with a bright smile and said the one thing he shouldn't have said: «Come with me, I'll introduce you.»

Dennis felt a corner of his mouth involuntarily rise into a slanting smile. «With great pleasure.»

He too got up from the couch and so they went together to open the door. And there he was, on _his_ doorstep, the certified asshole dumb enough to decide to go out with Mac. He must have been particularly desperate. He saw no other explanation.

But Mac wasn't any less desperate, either. Dennis didn't understand what he saw in the other man: his upper body was so bulky that it made his legs look like two toothpicks, he was a few inches shorter than Mac and had boring brown eyes. And his name was fucking _Ted_.

Dennis surpassed him in any field by far. This thought inexplicably calmed him down a little bit.

Too bad the feeling of superiority didn't last long. Mac, still radiant, greeted him with a «hey, Ted» before bending down and kissing him quickly on the lips. That was the last straw.

Dennis brought his arm around Mac's waist and smiled the most intimidating smile in his repertoire. «Hi, I'm Dennis, Mac's mate. You would be...?»

There was a very long moment of absolute silence. Bingo.

Ted squinted his eyes. «Did you just say “mate”?»

«He meant _flat mate_ , didn't you, Dennis?» Mac's tone was somewhere between pissed off and confused. Knowing Mac, in a few moments he'll grab him and lock him in the flat.

Dennis gave him an innocent look. «Of course, what else? After all, it's been _20 years_ » and here he underlined the "20 years" with another half smile «that we live together.»

Mac was clearly starting to panic. «Ted, will you excuse us for just a moment?»

And as Dennis predicted, Mac grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back into the apartment, locking the door in the face of an increasingly disoriented Ted. How predictable.

«What the hell are you doing?» Mac hissed through his teeth to avoid being heard from the other side of the door.

Dennis casually adjusted his crumpled shirt. «Can't you see? I'm helping you.»

Mac opened his mouth wide, incredulously. « _H_ _elping_ me? How are you helping me? Now Ted's gonna think we're together and he's never gonna want to see me again!»

 _Exactly_ , he thought with great satisfaction. He refrained from saying it to his face.

He opted for a more peaceful solution. «Mac, there's nothing special about that guy. I'm just saving you from a date that's bound to end in failure.» Clearly Mac had to agree with him. Didn't he?

Apparently not.

«Dennis, what are you talking about? He's handsome» at that word Dennis pretended to vomit «and he's sweet and funny too! I'm not gonna let you ruin my first real date, is that clear?» They

glared at each other for a good minute, neither of them willing to give in. Then they heard a knock on the door. Ted's voice was muffled. «Mac? If there are problems, I can leave, don't worry about it.» Mac inspired and exhaled deeply. «No, Ted, I'll be right there.»

His shoulders bowed, resigned. His eyes, at first furious with anger, were now filled with a deep sadness. «Dennis, please. This is my _first_ date.»

Those words felt like a slap to Dennis. That was his first date, but not just with Ted. It was his first _real date,_ the first date that mattered, the first date with another man, and it terrified him. He had wasted forty years of his life pretending to be something he wasn't, to be unhappy, and now that he was finally ready to come out, to put himself out there, without fear of other people's judgment, what did his best friend do? He was trying to screw things up on a whim. Dennis felt awful. «O… ok» he replied. That's all he could say.

A slight smile peeped back into Mac's face. «Thanks, bro.»

He turned to open the door, but stopped as soon as he put his hand on the knob. «I almost forgot!» he exclaimed, before turning around and running towards the refrigerator.

What the?

Dennis saw him rummaging between the shelves, muttering to himself, before he pronounced a victorious «there it is!» and pulled out a plastic container. He walked back up to Dennis and gave it to him without any preamble. «Here's last night's Cantonese chicken, you just have to heat it in the microwave for a few minutes and it's ready, so try to eat it a little bit, okay? I'll know it if you didn't. Bye, don't wait up!» He gave him a light pat on the shoulder, then opened the door and closed it behind him noisily.

Dennis blinked. He looked down at the container in his hands, feeling a strange warmth radiating out of his chest.

For once in his life he was not immediately disgusted by the idea of ingesting food. He heated it in the microwave, sat down at the table and ate it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want mac going full gay panic over having a real date with a man 2k21  
> and i'm always weak for him making sure that dennis eats


	3. Chapter 2

Dennis spent the next hour with his nerves on edge. He tried to finish watching _Lethal Weapon_ , but it only made the absence of Mac and his stupid comments bother him even more. He tried to watch TV, but no program caught his attention. He tried to distract himself by tiding up the apartment, but apparently Mac had gotten the housewife syndrome, because other than the dishes he used to eat there was nothing out of place. Dennis refused to set foot in Mac's room and check there too, though. The dildo bike would haunt him in his nightmares for at least a week.

He picked up his cell phone. There were ten unread messages from Dee. He opened them, and of course they were all curse words and vague threats about what would happen to him if he didn't immediately show up at the pub. Here and there the word "raccoon" stood out.

Dennis sighed. Might as well go there, at least he'd find something to do.

It only took him a few minutes by car to get to Paddy's. What he found inside made him immediately regret having set foot there.

Charlie was wearing a helmet-shaped colander and a pillow on his chest held by tape. He was holding a net made of ropes. Frank was no different with his oven mitts on both hands and a football helmet on his head. Dee had ruffled hair and bloody scratches on her cheeks. On the floor, in the middle between all three of them, there was a fucking raccoon. And he looked pretty pissed off, too.

He didn't want to know how the hell a raccoon got there. Hoping no one would notice, too busy catching their new friend, Dennis tried to turn around and leave the pub again. Obviously to no avail.

«DENNIS! Where do you think you're going!» Dee yelled. Shit.

Hearing that scream, Charlie and Frank turned around, too. «You finally showed up. You haven't answered your phone in hours! Now get your ass over here and help us catch this little bastard!»

«Frank, don't be ridiculous. How the hell do you think of catching him? Can't you just shoot him?»

Charlie squeaked hysterically. «Absolutely not! He was gonna kill us!»

«Dennis, I swear to God, if you don't help us right now, we're gonna make you pay for this!»

«All right, all right!» he shouted back to overwhelm the voices of the others, who were starting to attack him at the same time. «I’m going to grab the bat, wait for me.»

Half an hour, a few scratches and a bite on the arm later, the four of them managed to catch that beast of Satan and take it as far away from the pub as they could, all under the impassive gaze of those few regular customers who had seen them do far worse things.

Dennis checked the condition of their clothes. They were completely fucking ruined. «No more weird animals in here, is that clear? My shirt's ruined, Charlie, ruined!»

«It's not my fault if Frank’s guy gave us the one raccoon that can't catch rats! Mine was a _great_ idea.»

If they could have, Dee's eyes would have thrown lightning bolts. «A raccoon that catches rats? What the fuck are you talking about? Did cats go out of style? That thing ripped my hair off!»

Charlie huffed like Dee just said the idiocy of the century. «A cat? Get outta here. They're useless and disgusting animals. It wouldn't have helped.»

«Disgust– You got a _raccoon_!»

«Now stop! Let's stop right here!» shouted Frank. «That thing's gone. That's the important part. Can we get over it?»

Charlie and Dee looked at each other. «All right» they both mumbled. They walked to the back of the bar and pulled a beer each out of the refrigerator before leaning over the bar and opening them up. Dennis followed their example: he'd never wanted to drink a beer so much in his life.

They spent the next few minutes in rare silence, all too exhausted from the previous raccoon hunt to do anything other than drink or take the beast's hair off their heads and clothes. Dee had sat across from Frank, her head on the table, rising it from time to time only to bring her mouth closer to the neck of her beer bottle, while Charlie had stood at the stall behind the counter, apparently focused on texting with someone.

Hold on.

Charlie was texting with someone?

Dennis tried to stick his neck out to see who the other person was, but he was too far away to read properly. He could only distinguish the usual jumble of meaningless letters that Charlie insisted on calling "words".

Frank's voice broke the silence. «Hey, what the hell happened to Mac? Why isn't he here?»

At those words, a knot formed in Dennis’ stomach. Goddamn Frank, he'd finally managed to not think about that, and he'd ruined it all in a moment.

He was silent, his eyes fixed on his shoes. He felt that if he opened his mouth, he wouldn't be able to contain himself. Luckily, Dee was the first one to respond, even though she was dragging her words out. «What the hell am I supposed to know about that? Ask Dennis. He's the one who's joined to the hip with him.»

Fuck.

Dennis tightened his grip around the bottle even more. «I–»

«Oh, Mac went on a date.»

Charlie hadn't even looked up from his cell phone when he said it. Dennis wasn't the only one who knew, then.

«So just because he found somebody willing to suck his dick, he decided not to show up for work?»

«Frank, don't be a fucking homophobe!»

«Why, Dee, didn't Mac skip work just because he found somebody willing to suck his dick? I'm listing the facts!»

«Nobody's sucking anybody's dick here, okay? Mac is been barely able to stay calm and not freak out. He's been on the verge of running away from the bathroom window at least three times.»

«How the fuck do you know that?» Dennis snapped. Unless... «Are you _texting Mac_?»

Charlie shrugged. «He needed someone to vent to, to avoid fucking up. This date's messing him up more than I thought, dude, he's a lost cause.»

A sudden feeling of jealousy took hold of Dennis. «So you're telling me that Mac asked for your help and not _mine_?» That didn't make any sense. He was Mac's best friend, he was his blood brother, he put up with him all afternoon and helped him to be presentable – by Mac's standards, of course, the exaggerated muscles only made him look like an idiot – and in response Mac had decided to ask _Charlie_ for help, the same man who had been going after the same woman for over ten years, a woman that wanted nothing more than to keep him as far away as possible, instead of asking Dennis, the god of conquest.

«Trust me, bro, you wouldn't have helped at all in this situation. Besides, Mac clearly trusts me more.»

Dennis saw red. He dropped the beer and grabbed the first bottle of whiskey he could find near him. «Well, if Mac trusts you so much, why don't you let him know that if he wants, he can move into your house?»

Charlie looked at him, confused. «Frank and I already live in the apartment, and we only have one bed, so I don't think a third person could fit.»

«What the... That's not what I... ARGH!» Dennis raised his hands in frustration and rushed to the back door. The fresh evening air cooled down his blood a bit. He leaned back against the wall and let himself slide on the floor, ignoring the stench of piss that was an integral part of the environment by now.

He began to gulp down the whisky. His throat was burning.

How dare Mac do this to him? Wasn't the promise that he wouldn't cause any trouble on his first date enough? Did he really think he was so unreliable and unpredictable? So unstable?

He threw the bottle on the floor with all the strength in his body. It shattered into a million pieces. If Mac really thought Dennis was going to screw up, fine, who was he to not live up to his expectations?

He got up quickly, one goal to guide him: to go and ruin that stupid date.

He got into the car, heedless of the vague dizziness caused by the alcohol, and drove towards the restaurant Mac had talked about, his hands clamped in an iron grip on the steering wheel.

It took him a few minutes. He parked in front of the restaurant and entered, ignoring the calls of the waiter at the entrance and rushing straight into the room. He didn't have to look around too much before he spotted them. At their sight, his feet stopped on the spot.

Their table was far away enough that neither of them had noticed him. They were sitting on opposite sides, their plates empty, perhaps waiting for a new course. Mac was clearly immersed in telling one of his idiotic anecdotes, his eyes glowing. Ted was listening attentively, or perhaps, more likely, he was pretending to be interested. No sane person could stand Mac's small talk.

Mac’s hand was resting on the table, a few millimeters from the other’s. Mac had to say something particularly stupid, because Ted started laughing out loud. His hand closed the gap and leaned against Mac's hand, who was clearly taken aback. He shut up, focused his eyes on their joined hands and then back on Ted, that was still smiling. Immediately Mac’s face lit up and clasped the other's hand in response.

Dennis felt all the anger that was boiling through every fiber of his body until that moment vanish in an instant. All he felt was a bottomless void inside his chest.

The waiter grabbed him by the arm and led him out, but for Dennis it was like watching a movie in first person. His body moved, got back in the car, drove home and carried him into his bedroom, but it was as if someone else had taken control. With trembling hands he took off his shoes and sit on the bed with all his clothes still on, his legs gathered under his chin. He put his arms around them, his nails stuck in the flesh. He stared at the wall all night long.


	4. Chapter 3

«Wow, Dennis, you look like shit.»

Mac was sitting at the kitchen table, a cup of steaming coffee in his hands and another, untouched, sitting to his right.

Dennis hadn't been able to sleep a wink and heard Mac come back in the middle of the night, but it probably would have happened even if he was in the middle of his REM phase. Mac certainly thought he was quiet like a ninja.

«What, you haven't slept?»

 _Not that you did_ , he thought instinctively, but he bit his tongue. He didn't have the strength to argue with the other after the sleepless night he'd just had.

«Charlie and Frank had released a rabid raccoon in the pub, it took us hours to catch it.» Half the truth was still a truth.

«Oh, now I see why you have those scratches.»

Dennis took a hand to his left cheek. That's where the little bastard had hit him the deepest. Despite the shower he'd just taken and the make-up he used to cover up the nail marks, they were all too obvious.

Mac shrugged. He tapped on the spot at the table by his side. «By the way, I made coffee for you, too.»

Dennis sat down and started sipping it slowly. It was black, no sugar, just the way he liked it. They spent some time in that state, looking at an unspecified spot on the table and sipping coffee from their cups now and then. Dennis had no intention of being the first to break the silence.

And in fact, totally unable to stay quiet for more than five minutes, it was Mac who spoke first. «Bro, yesterday's date went better than I thought, Ted said he was super interested in seeing some of my Projects Badass, can you believe it? I got to find one where I'm particularly cool – cooler than usual, I mean, not that I'm not always cool.»

Dennis felt a vein throbbing in his forehead. Did he have to start talking about _that_? «Oh, yeah?» he blurted. «So why don't you go ask _Charlie_ for help?» Mac open his eyes wide, surprised. He probably didn't expect the conversion to go there. «What...? I don't know what you're...» Christ, he was a terrible liar. It was all over his face.

«I know you were in touch with Charlie last night. Stop denying it!» He put his fists on the table to contain himself from throwing himself at the other and tugging at his collar.

The tone seemed to be irritating Mac. «Yeah, all right, I texted Charlie, so what? What's the problem?» he yelled back.

«Of course there's a problem. What, you didn't trust me? Is it because I'm a ticking time bomb?» Mac seemed even offended by the accusation. «A time bomb? Dennis, what the fuck are you talking about? Do you really think I have that kind of opinion about you?»

«Then explain to me why I didn't know about it!»

Mac went rigid. He swallowed and lowered his eyes over his now cold coffee. He didn't say another word.

That silence was more than enough of an answer. «I understand.»

Mac looked up, his eyes alarmed. «No, Dennis, you misunderstood, wait...»

Dennis got up from the table and walked to the door. He walked out of the house and slammed it.

*

«Bro, you look like shit.»

Dennis regretted not bringing his mirror with him, because he wanted to open it up and put it in front of the other man’s face and remind him which one looked like a hobo.

«If I look like someone who's been attacked by a raccoon, it's because I am, Charlie, and it's all your fault» he replied.

Charlie leaned against the door and opened his mouth, outraged. «Come on, Dennis, that was a lifetime ago. I didn't think you were the type to hold a grudge.»

«That was literally last night!»

«A lifetime ago, last night, it's the same thing! It's all in the past. You gotta live in the present, dude!»

Dennis squeezed the root of his nose between two fingers. Why the hell did he go to Charlie?

«Look, bro, are you gonna let me in your house or not?»

Charlie stepped aside to make room for him. «You're welcome, _mi casas es tua casas_.»

«That's not how you– never mind» he hissed through his teeth, but he went in anyway without further comment. The flat was still the same old dump, but Dennis hadn't expected anything different. At least Frank didn't seem to be home.

«What brings you here? Did something happen with Mac?»

Dennis turned around. How the hell did he know?

He grabbed him by the shoulder and squeezed with all the anger he had in his body. Charlie made a grimace. «What, Mac wrote you this, too?!»

«No, goddamn it, calm down!» Charlie screamed, trying to get away from him. «Mac didn't tell me anything. I was just making an assumption.»

Dennis immediately let go and took a few steps back. What the fuck was he doing?

«I understand Mac had something to do with it» Charlie continued calmly, massaging his aching shoulder.

«Well... I mean... yes» Dennis finally admitted. It would have been pointless to deny it at that point. «Okay, what the hell did he do this time? I know he's unbearable, but my God, you've lived with him for 20 years, you should be used to it.»

Dennis went to sit in the first chair he saw, looking everywhere but at Charlie, and crossed his arms to his chest. Charlie was so intent on making him talk, however, that he grabbed a chair for himself and sitted in front of him.

«Bro, if you didn't want to talk about it, you wouldn't come to me.» And he was right. He just didn't want to hear the answer.

Fuck that. Mac was being an asshole, so it was his right to know why. «I wanna know what the hell you guys talked about last night.»

Charlie looked at him in shock. «That's it? Really? Well, Mac just kept saying he wasn't ready to start dating someone seriously, so I had to push him in the right direction.»

An acute feeling of jealousy pierced his stomach. So Mac had been talking to Charlie about it for some time while he hadn't said a word to Dennis, not a hint. And yet they were supposed to be best friends.

He was getting pissed off again. «Oh. Well, that makes sense, doesn't it? Since it was his first date with a man and all that. I don't know why he didn't talk to _me_ about it.»

Charlie looked him straight in the eye for a few seconds, then laughed in his face. «What...? What's there to laugh about?»

The laughter, in the same way it started out, died in a moment. «Wait a minute. You're serious. You're not joking.»

Dennis was just getting more and more confused. He didn't understand what was going on, and it irritated him. «Why would I be joking?»

«So you really have no idea why Mac would prefer me over you as his dating counselor.»

Dennis raised his arms to the ceiling. «No, goddammit, no! Why else would I be here asking you directly? Is that so hard to understand?»

«Sorry, bro» said the other, raising his hands in surrender. «I just thought the reason was too obvious. Mac's not exactly the kind of guy who can hide something.»

«I'm well aware of that, but I don't see why he shouldn't trust me this time. Did I do something that made him think I wasn't a trustworthy friend to ask advice like that?» Then, a realization. «It's because I went to North Dakota without telling him anything first, isn't it?»

Fuck, how could he not have thought of that before? The more he thought about it, the more obvious it was. «I left without warning for a whole year, didn't I? So he doesn't trust me any more.»

Dennis hated to think about that year, his believing even for a moment that he could play happy family with Mandy and Brian Jr. Yes, he left suddenly, but in the end he came back, so there was no need to still hold a grudge, wasn’t there? But maybe Mac took it personally. Oh, God, looking back on that blow-up doll...

But Charlie interrupted his thoughts. «What? No! That's not why! I mean, it's about that _too,_ but it's not for the reasons that you think.»

«Well, then why?!» All those mince words were really pissing him off.

«Because talking about your love life with the person you're trying to get over is not exactly the best move, is it?»

Dennis felt his heart sink underground. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He was absolutely petrified.

Charlie went on as if nothing had happened. «I mean, you've made it all too clear you don't give a shit about him, whether it's the North Dakota thing or that sexual harassment seminar. After all, you said to Mac yourself, "It's never gonna happen", didn't you?»

Yeah, Dennis said it. He said those exact words in front of everybody. But...

But he didn't mean he didn't care.

«And because he's so stubborn» Charlie continued, «I had to persuade him to leave you alone and find someone else. You're welcome.»

Dennis saw red. He leaned over Charlie and grabbed his shirt, bringing their faces within an inch of each other. «So you're telling me this is all your fault?!» he growled.

Charlie tried again to pull himself out of his grasp, pushing his chest to pull him away. «Bro, what the fuck is wrong with you? I thought you'd be happy to get Mac's advances off of you! Are you telling me you actually _want_ to be with him?»

Dennis swallowed. «Of course not.» The words had barely gotten past the knot that had formed in his throat.

«Fine! Then leave him alone! The year you were in North Dakota was hard enough, now the last thing we need is for your vanity to get in the way and ruin even this for him.»

Dennis let him go. He closed his hands into fists to hide the shaking.

Was that really the problem? Was he really so narcissistic to expect his best friend to get stuck on him? Mac had always put everything into their relationship, even when he got less than nothing in return, even when Dennis had one of his bad days and they ended up fighting. And all this for what? To get chained to a guy who could never give him what he really wanted?

 _Yes_ , the most possessive part of Dennis replied evilly, _Mac was happy to do what he did for him, just for him, to worship him like a god. Mac was his_.

_Mac was..._

No. Mac wasn't his. Mac was just a poor idiot who suffered of lack of parental affection even now into adulthood, and the results were there: he compulsively took care of a lost cause and confused being sexually attracted to that lost cause with having feelings he didn't really have. And he would notice it very soon.

«Now that that's all cleared up, can we go to the pub?» Charlie asked. He had walked away from Dennis and worn a jacket.

Dennis just nodded.

*

«Dennis? So you were here! Why the hell didn't you answer my texts?»

Mac had been at Paddy's for merely half a second, but he was already making way too much noise. «You scared the shit out of me! I even called Dee! Dee, you understand?»

In fact, from the moment he stepped outside the apartment that morning, Dennis had gotten at least 30 messages from Mac. He had ignored all of them.

«I didn't feel like taking my cell phone.» Well. That, and he wanted to have some beer in his system before he had any direct confrontation with Mac. And he didn’t got shitfaced only because it was 11:30 in the morning.

«But you disappeared into thin air without saying a word!»

«I'm free to go where I want and when I want without having to say it to you!» he shouted back.

Mac looked like he was going to hit him for real, then he sighed. «Next time, at least let me know if you're ok, yeah?»

That peacemaking tone irritated him quite a bit. It made him feel small and fragile, the exact opposite of a golden god. «I won’t promise you anything» he hissed.

Mac stared at him for a few more moments, then he sighed again. «I'm going to get a beer.»

He came back shortly after with a can in his hand. He swallowed half of it in one gulp and then placed it on the nearest table. He stared at a spot behind Dennis's shoulder to avoid his gaze and started fidgeting nervously with his hands. «Look, Dennis...»

Dennis interrupted him. «If it's about this morning, you don't have to worry. I don't care anymore.»

Mac bent his head to the side, confused. «You don't care anymore? Really?»

«I do not» he went on. «I was just nervous for the awful night spent to catch that raccoon.»

«Are you sure?»

«Yes, I'm sure.»

A thirty-two-toothed smile appeared on the other's face. «Ah, thank God, dude, I thought you were mad at me!»

He saw Mac's hand reach out to touch his arm, but Dennis instinctively moved away from it. The smile cracked imperceptibly.

«So... will you help me choose the Project Badass to show Ted?»

What Mac was holding out to him was an olive branch, Dennis knew that very well. Every fiber of his body was screaming for him to break a bottle over Mac’s head.

Instead, he agreed.


	5. Chapter 4

Dennis was trying. He was really, really trying. But remaining calm and indifferent was proving to be an harder task every day.

Of course, the straight Mac who deluded himself into being a great lover of women was something Dennis had long since got used to. The gay Mac who seemed to want to make up for the many years of repression all at once by talking nonstop about his conquests was barely bearable.

But the gay Mac with a boyfriend was his very personal eleventh plague of Egypt.

By now the topic of conversation had become one: Ted, Ted and only Ted. Did you know that Ted works as a bartender at one of those hipster cafes that make you pay double the price just because they think they’re cool? Did you know that Ted is also a windsurfer? Did you know that Ted took him to a really awesome skate race, bro, it was awesome, seriously!

Dennis wanted to take a knife and stick it in his vocal cords. But since he didn't want to go to jail for murder, he just mentally blocked every word that came out of his mouth and nodded occasionally to make him think he cared. But if the litany went on for more than two minutes, he would leave without saying a word.

Plus, suddenly Mac was now living in symbiosis with his cell phone. No matter what he was doing, he always kept the damn phone near him so he could text Ted anytime. He'd already risked burning the kitchen on at least three different occasions and having all his clothes shrunk in the washing machine. At that rate, Dennis wouldn't have lasted much longer.

Sure enough, Mac was currently sitting on one of the bar stools, cell phone in hand. He had a dumb smile on his face as he scrolled through his old texts. Dennis ignored his stomach twisting and turned back to Charlie, who was explaining to him, in extreme detail, how building a miniature of Philadelphia entirely out of wooden sticks would bring customers to their pub. «Think about it bro, there's a lot of people who go nuts on this kind of stuff out there, it would be a great opportunity! How hard can it be?»

«Definitely more than you think, Charlie, and where the hell do you think you’ll find all those sticks?»

«It's obvious» he replied, as if the idiot between the two of them was Dennis. «From popsicles.»

For the umpteenth time in his life, Dennis wondered how the hell his friend's brain worked. Suddenly Mac's cell phone made another sound. It was the fifty-third of the day. Not that Dennis was counting.

«Sure, there's the problem of what to do with all that ice cream» continued Charlie, who probably hadn't even noticed, «but Frank had a great idea: put on a race of who can eat popsicles the fastest! Brilliant, isn't it?»

«Yes, yes» he cut short. He wasn't in the mood to get dragged into one of their usual absurd schemes that would inevitably end in failure. Fortunately, Charlie seemed satisfied with his answer and went back to Frank's office, certainly to continue talking to him about it. Some peace at last.

 _Ding_.

Fifty-four. Fuck.

He'd heard that sound so many times, Dennis was this close to picking up the goddamn phone and throwing it on the other side of the room.

«Hey, Mac, it seems that you're serious about this one.»

Dee had popped out of nowhere, beer in her hand and a smile on her face. «So, how's it going?»

Mac didn't even bother to raise his head. «What do you care?»

Dee made the most falsely offended face he'd ever seen. She sucked as an actress. «What do I care? Can't I just be curious about how a friend's relationship is going?»

Mac kept ignoring her. «You bet on me, didn't you?» he replied laconically, in complete indifference.

«Damn it!» yelled Dee. «Yes, it's true, I made a bet with Frank. He thought you'd be the one to leave Ted. Bullshit. Nobody can put up with you for too long. I say Ted's gonna leave you, and I say it's gonna happen soon.»

Mac finally looked up and pointed his eyes to hers. «Well, Dee, I hate to tell you this, but neither one of you is gonna win anything, because Ted and I are on a roll. And now if you don't mind I gotta go, because between the two of us, the one who is gonna fuck a guy tonight with an _way_ -above-average dick» and Mac showed with his hands exactly what length he was talking about, but he was definitely exaggerating, right? «that's me.» He got up off the stool, walked to the door with a «see you later, assholes!» and walked out.

Dee was gaping like a stupid fish. «How fucking dare he! What the hell does he know about what I do or don't do tonight! Besides, he was definitely exaggerating with those measures, right?»

«Obviously» replied Dennis, not entirely convinced. The image of Mac on his knees in front of Ted came to him in a flash. He stuck his fingernails into the palm of his hand so that the pain would distract him from that sudden thought. What the fuck was wrong with him?

Dee snorted and went to sit by his side. «So it's true? Is it serious?»

«That's what it sounds like.» There's that stomach twist again.

«Oh.» Dee took a sip of beer, then remained silent for a few seconds. «Well, finally, I'd say. Can you believe I'm actually happy for him?»

Dennis punched the table, which made her sister jump. That was the last straw. «”Happy for him"? No shit, Dee!» he thundered. «You're not the one who has to spend 24 hours with a guy who does nothing but talk about his boyfriend like a 15-year-old girl! I'm the victim in this situation!»

Dee raised an eyebrow. «What the fuck are you talking about? Mac hardly ever talks about this guy. Ah!» She snapped her tongue under her palate. «I see what the problem is. You're jealous.»

Dennis stiffened up. «Me? Jealous?» he squealed, taken aback. «Oh, please! Mac can be with anybody. I don't give a shit!»

«Woah, easy!» Dee said, raising her hands in surrender. «I meant that you're jealous that you're not the center of attention anymore because Mac stole it from you! What, did I strike a nerve?»

Dennis felt his cheeks burn from embarrassment. _Obviously_ Dee meant that he was jealous of the lack of attention to him. What else could she mean? And why hadn't that been the interpretation _he_ had given?

 _It's like you're an old married couple_. Dennis still remembered Dee's words. The words that had given him and Mac a new perspective on their relationship, the words that had driven them to try to live apart from each other with disastrous results. Since then, every time Dennis stood next to Mac in Dee's presence, he wondered what the hell his sister thought of the two of them, what distorted idea of their relationship she had. Maybe that's why he became defensive.

Fortunately – thank God for their perfect timing – Charlie and Frank came out from the office, and from that moment on it was total chaos.

Predictively, the sticks plan failed miserably. Not only had Frank bought expired ice cream from who knows who in order to save money – so that those few patrons who had tried to eat it had to go straight to the hospital – but the refrigerated truck he had rented for the occasion had stopped working due to lack of energy and now there were gallons and gallons of liquefied ice cream to clean. Basically a success.

«Are you _sure_ we can’t eat that?»

«For the umpteenth time, Charlie, no, you can't!» cried Dee, exasperated. She and Dennis had refused to set foot in the truck and left all the work in Charlie and Frank's hands. After all, it had been their idea. «Not only it’s basically trash now, it's also expired! What's the matter with you?»

«I'm just saying it seems like a useless waste of good ice cream, that's all!»

«Charlie's right» Frank said, «just pick it up in buckets, put it in the freezer and boom! There's the ice cream again!»

«Oh, my God» exclaimed Dee. «Do whatever the hell you want! But if you guys end up in the hospital, don't call us.»

Charlie and Frank high-fived each other. How the hell those two were still alive was a mystery.

Dennis had no intention of watching them agonize over food poisoning. He turned to his sister. «Come on, Dee, let them do what they want.»

The other didn't need to be told twice. As they were each about to get into their cars, Dee stopped, her hand on the handle. «Hey, Dennis» she called him.

Dennis turned to her. «What?» he said, annoyed. What the hell did she want from him now?

Dee had started fidgeting with her car keys, eyes turned away. «Are you sure you want to go home alone? You could, I don't know, come stay with me for a while, maybe?»

Dennis felt his hands start shaking. Was Dee really stupid enough to think that Dennis wouldn't understand what she really meant by those words? She thought he was gonna freak out, he was gonna do something crazy. She thought he was a brat who needed to be controlled. How fucking dare she? He opened his own car door. «I don't need a babysitter» he growled. He got in the car without saying another word and drove away.

Within a short time, he arrived at the apartment. It was dark, silent as it had never been. Dennis was alone. Completely, unequivocally alone.

His breathing got heavy.

He dropped to the floor and gathered his legs in his arms. He was out of breath.

Where the hell was Mac? That was his job, that was what Mac _did_. Mac had to take care of him, he had to run to his side, he had to try to calm him with a few whispered words, he had to squeeze his hands between his and massage them gently to try to relax him.

But Mac wasn't there.

Dennis forced himself to take deeper, more even breaths. He didn't know how long it had been, but eventually he could breathe normally. His lungs were no longer burning.

He got up slowly, unsteady on his legs. His hands were still shaking.

Fuck Mac. Fuck Dee. Fuck everybody.

He turned on the light and walked to the cabinet with their stash of alcohol, dug in until he finally found something strong enough and turned to his room. After a few steps, however, he stopped at the kitchen table: there was a slightly crumpled note on it. He took it in his hand to read it better. It was clearly Mac's handwriting.

_Don't forget to eat something!!!!_

He tore it into a thousand pieces.

He locked himself in his room. In less than half an hour, he was so drunk that he passed out. He woke up the next morning, a blanket covering him and some painkillers and a protein bar on his bedside table. His damn stomach twisted again.


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: suicidal tendencies

It had been just over three weeks since Mac had started dating Ted. In all that time Dennis – or anyone else of the gang, for that matter – barely saw him. He'd stay in the house just long enough to get food ready, showed up for a few hours at Paddy's to pretend he was still working there and then leaved with that idiot to go who knows where. He wouldn't even participate in their plans anymore, said he didn't have time for that shit. Dennis wanted to grab him by the neck and remind him exactly _how many_ of their plans over the years had been his work, hypocritical fucker.

The fact was, it didn't seem to weigh on the others so much, on the contrary: the lack of Mac's annoying presence didn't affect their lives at all. They kept trying to come up with new ways to make money, they kept drinking and getting into trouble, as if nothing had changed. Dennis looked back on his year in North Dakota and wondered if even then his absence had been felt so little. He took a long sip of beer.

For him, life _had_ changed. He had again made the mistake of underestimating how much Mac was actually present in his life, how the other man had occupied every little nook over the years and put his roots in it, and now he was paying the consequences. Having lunch and dinner alone was an experience he hadn't been used to for a long time. Being totally in control of what he put into his body and what he didn't was stressful: he had the power to decide to eat all the food they had if he wanted to, as he could not touch anything at all and leave whatever Mac prepared for him in the morning exactly where it was, and no one would tell him anything. Every single calorie he swallowed was subject entirely to his will, and it made him nauseous. Those few times he had been fasting all day long he regretted it, and not only for the pangs of hunger, but especially for the puppy dog look that Mac gave him the next day, accompanied each time by one of his disgusting caloric and protein shakes that Dennis ended up drinking till the very last drop.

In the end he had opted to only eat everything Mac prepared for him, nothing more and nothing less. At least like that he didn't feel responsible for his body.

The time of day that weighed him down the most, though, was the time that followed the closing of Paddy's. If, during the day, he could be distracted by throwing himself on whatever crazy plan the others had in mind, he could not escape their inevitable end, having to go home alone, having to stay in that silent and desolate apartment.

Dennis had tried to sleep with a few women to fill that sense of emptiness that oppressed him more and more every night, of course. Instead of going home, he would stop at some other cheap bar and look for his prey in the crowd. The few times that someone had caught his attention, he would just get close to her and bluntly ask if she was willing to give him a blowjob or not. He had no desire to use the D.E.N.N.I.S. system, it took too much effort, and he was so _tired_ of the usual games. Of course, it had mostly ended them telling him to fuck off or throwing a drink in his face, except for one time. That brunette must have been pretty drunk and pretty high to say yes to him, but Dennis didn’t give a shit.

The blowjob she gave him in the bathroom was the most unsatisfying one of his life. At one point he had closed his eyes, and instead of the anonymous girl there was another person kneeling in front of him, much more familiar, muscular hands clutching his waist, big hazel eyes looking at him with veneration...

Dennis came with Mac's name barely held between his lips.

He hadn't tried to sleep with anyone else since.

His frustration grew even more every time he was alone with Mac. He'd end up screaming about every little thing, and at worst he just ignored him. But Mac was used to it and let him be, most of the time. Sometimes he'd respond to the screams with more screams, sometimes he'd just watch him resigned. Only once had he dared to ask him in such a damn calm voice, with his hands raised as if he was trying to appease an animal in a cage, if by any chance he had stopped taking his pills. He scratched both his cheeks in response. Mac didn’t ask again.

But it didn't matter anyway. The fights, the fact that he and Mac seemed to be growing apart, that asshole Ted, none of it mattered. Because that night was _their_ night. It was their monthly dinner night.

Dennis had it all planned. He had already called Guigino's and booked their best table: they would sit down, Dennis would order their best wine – to hell with the money – he would laugh at Mac's stupid jokes, they would make fun of the other restaurant patrons, they would harass their waiter and Mac would finally look at him again as if there was nobody else more important in the world. It was gonna be perfect.

Dennis had even bought a new shirt for the occasion: a very light blue shirt, so that his eyes would pop, and it was tight enough to show off his body without overdoing it. Even the trousers had been specifically chosen to enhance his features.

He then spent a good half hour in front of the mirror doing his make-up. He applied the foundation and some highlighter to accentuate his cheekbones, mascara to make his eyes stand out even more and lip balm to make his lips silky. The next half hour was spent combing his hair.

He looked simply stunning. And Mac would surely notice it.

Satisfied with his work, he walked out of the bathroom and into the living room. Just a few more minutes and they would have had to get out, or they wouldn't made it in time for the reservation.

And there he was, Mac, sitting on the couch, texting on his cell phone. And he was dressed... in jeans and a T-shirt? What?

«Mac, what the hell are you doing still dressed like that? Hurry up, we gotta go or we're gonna be late!»

Mac raised his head and looked at him, shocked. «Oh, shit, was it today?»

Dennis's good mood disappeared in an instant. His body stiffened up like it was waiting for a fatal blow. «”Was it today?" What the fuck do you mean, "was it today"? Of course it's today, you idiot!»

Mac never, _ever_ forgot their night. No matter what happened in their lives, every month Mac would count down the days until that one night when they could be fully themselves with each other, just like Dennis did.

He couldn't have forgotten that. Could he?

Mac got up from the couch and put his hand behind the back of his head, embarrassed. «Look, Dennis, I'm so sorry. I've wanted to talk to you about this for a few days, but it never seemed like the right time.» He bit his lip nervously. «We can’t... we can’t go out together anymore.»

Dennis felt the equivalent of a stab wound in the chest. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

«Bro, try to understand» Mac went on, talking non-stop and never making eye contact. «I have a boyfriend now, ok? A boyfriend that is, of course, a man, and is jealous of the other men I talk to and go out with. And you have to admit that going out with your best friend to dinner, just the two of you, at the best restaurant in Philadelphia can seem... pretty gay. Not that it is gay» he added quickly, as if the whole problem was there, «but to an outsider who doesn't know us as well as we do, well... yes, it may seem gay. Very gay. And I am gay, I should know.»

Dennis remained frozen in place.

Mac's phone rang. He unlocked the screen and read the name that was written on it. «Oh, fuck, it's Ted! I gotta go!» He walked to the door, opened it and stopped. He turned around, this time looking at him right in the eye. «I'm sorry, Dennis.»

And he walked away. Something inside Dennis broke.

He couldn't remember what he did in the next hour. Everything was a succession of vague, fragmentary images. The only thing he remembered vividly was the pure blind fury that had seized him.

He woke up from that state only much later: sitting on the floor, surrounded by broken glass and plates, the table upside down, the cushions ripped apart and his throat burning from screaming too much. He put his hands in his hair, pulling it so hard his eyes almost started tearing from the pain.

This is not the way that night was supposed to go. Mac was supposed to go out to dinner with him, to be impressed by the way he looked, to have fun and to realize that Dennis was all he wanted and all he needed in his life. And he didn't, because _Ted_ had decided that he wasn't okay with it. Who the fuck did he think he was? How fucking dare Mac choose that asshole over Dennis? What did he have that Dennis didn't? Nothing, that's what. Dennis knew him the longest, Dennis was definitely smarter and more attractive than that all-muscle guy, Dennis took him to much better restaurants than that broke ass bitch. Then what was it? What the hell did Ted do than Dennis didn’t?

Suddenly, the answer came to him.

A sense of calm washed through his body. His muscles relaxed, he let go of his grip on his hair and took a deep breath.

Everything was so clear. Frankly, it was such a simple answer that Dennis couldn't believe he hadn't thought of it before. It was just so obvious.

He got up off the floor, sat down on the couch, dodging the shards of glass and plates scattered on the floor, and waited.

*

Mac returned several hours later, tiptoeing to make as little noise as possible. He probably thought he was already asleep.

When he turned on the light and saw him there, still awake, in the middle of their trashed apartment, he froze. «Dennis» he called him, his calm voice betrayed by the apprehension in his wide eyes. «What happened here?»

Dennis didn't answer. He got off the couch and walked towards him. He grabbed him by the collar and slammed him against the door. Mac's eyes went from surprised, to terrified and then to angry. «What the fuck are you doing, dude?»

Dennis ignored him. «You had a good time with Ted, huh?» he hissed through his teeth. «I hope that you at least fucked him. How does it work, tell me, I'm curious. Does he give you his ass the second you see each other or does he play the part of the guy that needs to be winned over?»

Mac grabbed his shoulders and yanked him back. He was livid with rage. «What the fuck are you trying to say?»

«That maybe you can do better than that.»

Dennis didn't have much time before Mac went berserk and punched him right in the nose. So he decided to go through with his plan.

He moved one leg to position it in the middle of Mac's legs, he let go of his shirt and put his hands in his face. Mac was petrified on the spot. His expression changed within a second: his mouth opened, incredulous; his eyes became filled with a barely contained hope. Dennis smiled crookedly. He had him in his hand.

He brought their faces closer together. Their noses brushed against each other, their breaths became one. Mac was still looking at him as if all his wildest hopes were about to come true. Dennis closed the gap and kissed him.

That simple lip-on-lip contact released electric shocks on both of them. Mac made a desperate groan, like that of a thirsty man who was finally being offered water to drink. His hands traveled over his body, not knowing where to linger, on his chest, on his arms, in his hair. He seemed to want to go beyond human limits and touch every inch of his skin at once. Dennis felt Mac’s dick get hard against his thigh. He put more pressure on it, and Mac replied with another groan that was lost in their kiss and began to move his hips. His hands finally decided to stop on Dennis's ass, squeezing it. Dennis couldn't help but let a moan slip through his mounth. «Dennis» Mac sighed, separating their lips to catch his breath. «Dennis Dennis Dennis.» He was so wreaked that he was only able to pronounce his name, and they didn’t do anything yet. That was perfect. It was time.

He began to leave a trail of languid kisses on the other's neck as his hand unbuttoned his trousers. He grabbed the zipper and lowered it half way before a hand grabbed his wrist, stopping it. «Dennis, what are you doing?»

Dennis raised his head. Mac's eyes were shut tight, his breath was short. His neck had turned completely red. And yet he had interrupted him when things were finally going somewhere.

He didn't have time for this shit. He put on his most seductive smile. «Isn't it obvious?» he replied, hoping it was enough. Apparently, it wasn't.

«I mean, all of this.» Mac made a gesture that in his head was supposed to point to "all of this" but in reality it just made him look like he was swatting a fly that didn't exist. «What the hell are you doing?»

Dennis didn't see why he shouldn't be blunt at this point. «You've always wanted to fuck me, haven't you? Well, here I am.»

His plan was simple, but effective: finally give to Mac what he wanted. He would fulfill Mac’s dream, they would have sex and it would ruin any future sexual performance for Mac. He'd leave Ted in the blink of an eye and Dennis would have another way to control him. It was simple but effective. He was a genius.

Mac, however, against his every prediction, pushed him abruptly away from himself, as if those words had burned him. He took one hand to cover his mouth, his gaze turned to pure horror. The other hand was at his side, clenched in a fist. He was shaking.

«You can't be doing this to me. You... You... you can't really be doing this.»

Those shaky words didn't make any sense. «Come on, Mac! Did you really think that in all these years I never realized you were attracted to me? And honestly, I don’t blame you. I'm here to grant your wish. So how about you just let me do it and let me suck your dick?» Dennis tried to get close to him again, but he was stopped by Mac's hand that was now on his chest. The sight in front of him knocked the wind out of Dennis. Mac’s eyes were filled with tears. And Mac _never_ cried. «You _know it_ » Mac spelled out those words as if every single one of them caused him physical pain. «You know very well how I've felt – how I _feel_ about you – for twenty years. And to use this... this _thing_ against me is a new low that I thought not even you could reach.»

Dennis had never seen such disappointment on Mac's face, not even that time on the ship, when he found out that Dennis had hidden all the letters sent by his father. That was a look that he never, ever wanted to see directed at him again. It made his skin crawl.

Mac was looking at him straight in the eye. «I love you» he said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, as if he hadn't just demolished the very foundations of Dennis's life with three simple words. «I've always loved you, I think. And I've always been by your side, even when you said you hated me, even though I knew you'd never love me the way I wanted you to. But I told myself that your friendship was enough for me, that at least you loved me as a brother, and that was fine.» He looked down, covering his face with his hands. He laughed hysterically. «Apparently, I was wrong.»

That night must have been a nightmare. It had to be. Because it couldn't be happening what he thought was going to happen.

Dennis reached out to try and put one hand on Mac’s shoulder, but at the slightest touch, Mac winced. «Do not touch me» he said coldly. Dennis immediately retracted his hand. «I can't take it any more, Dennis. I've been wanting you for years, and you're not interested, and okay, I can respect that. But then I get a boyfriend, and that's not okay either! If I tell you about Ted, you start getting pissed off, you've been in a bad mood for weeks, and now, you decide to try to sleep with me. I'm fucking done.» Those words resonated in the air worse than a death sentence. «Fuck you, Dennis. Fuck you. I’m leaving, I'm going to Ted. Don't come near me, don't talk to me, don't call me, don't come looking for me at all!» And just like that, Mac opened the door again and left the apartment.

Dennis felt detached from reality. This couldn't be happening. Mac hadn't just left their home, leaving him forever. Mac couldn't have left him.

As in a dream, Dennis turned and walked towards the center of the room. His ears were ringing. He reached down, grabbed a shard of a plate off the ground. He stared at it for a few minutes, twisting it between his fingers. It was only when he realized that he had begun to press it so hard between the palms of his hands that he started bleeding that he awoke from his catatonic state. But maybe that was exactly what he deserved. He took a closer look at the bloody shard. It was big enough, its sides sharp. One of them ended in a very thin edge. He brought it to his neck. It barely touched his skin before he began to tremble uncontrollably and let go. The shard broke further with its impact with the floor.

Dennis felt the beginnings of a panic attack make his breathing heavier. He needed someone, or he didn't know what he was going to end up doing. Still trembling, he pulled the phone out of his pocket and dialed the number.

*

Dee arrived ten minutes later. She found him sitting on the floor, looking at an unspecified spot on the wall in front of him. They'd been on the phone the whole time.

His sister approached him slowly, grabbed him gently by the wrist and made him stand up on his feet. She led him out of the apartment, locked the door and took him to her house. She bandaged the wounds on his hands as best she could, made him lie down in her bed and sat by his side.

«You've got to stop scaring the shit out of me, next time I'll really kill you» was her only comment. She took his hand in her and stayed like that all night long like when they were little, when they hid under the bed covers while Frank and Barbara screamed at each other downstairs. Dennis clung to her like a lifeline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do i want the bastard man to suffer enormously before him and mac get together even in canon? ye, yes i do


	7. Chapter 6

«Good morning, princess! Time to start the day.»

Dennis woke up, suddenly hit by the sunlight coming from the only window in the room. He felt his head explode. «Fuck, Dee, close the goddamn window!» he yelled to his sister. He moved the blanket over his head in an attempt to shield as much light as possible and go back to sleep in peace.

But, of course, his sister had other plans.

«No, dickhead, it's already past noon, it's time to get your ass out of bed and out of my house! Come on, get up!»

Dennis felt Dee grab the blankets and pull them off of him. He groaned as soon as the sun hit his eyes again. His temples began to pulse, causing him excruciating pain.

«Come on, asshole, I've been generous enough to make you breakfast, show some gratitude and come in the kitchen.»

Dee left the room, and finally it was quiet again. Dennis knew, though, that if he didn't get up soon, she'd come back and scream in his ears until he did, so he sat on the bed, resigned. He tried to get up using his hands as leverage, but he regretted it immediately. He'd forgotten about the fucking cuts.

He took the palms of his hands in front of him and looked at them: the gauze that was wrapped around them was stained with blood. The wounds had reopened.

He got out of bed, his head still throbbing, and went to the bathroom. He found some clean gauze in the mirror cabinet. He took off the dirty gauze and put on the new one. He couldn't close his hands properly so he did a poor job, but at least the blood had stopped. He dug through Dee's things until he found some headache pills, took them, and swallowed. He took a look in the mirror. He looked terrible. Exactly how he felt.

He headed for the kitchen, but he froze as soon as he saw Dee making what looked like scrambled eggs. A glass of fruit juice was already waiting for him on the table.

A deep sense of shame gripped his insides. In all their lives, Dee had never cooked breakfast for him. In fact, she had never made any kind of selfless gesture towards him. It had always been like that among them, but to be honest they’d had the most opportunistic and cynical human beings they could have had as parents and models of life.

Seeing his sister there, cooking for him, made him think of the night before, his complete breakdown, his call, and how Dee had rushed over as soon as possible and had taken care of him. He felt small and weak. He had let himself go and ended up being vulnerable. He had exposed himself too much, and now Dee was feeling sorry for him. He wanted to run away and hide from her pitying gaze.

But Dee put the eggs on a plate, turned around, and saw him. «Hurry up, asshole, or they're gonna get cold and then I'm gonna kick your ass» she intimated, laying the plate on the table. Dennis forced himself to sit down, and Dee sat on the opposite side.

He wasn't hungry at all, but under Dee’s oppressive gaze he began to eat the eggs in small bites. He grimaced. «They're overcooked» he said. «And also too salty.» All that salt would hurt his circulatory system. Mac would have never made a mistake like that.

Mac.

The memory of Mac was like a stab in the heart. He wanted to be swallowed by the earth and never come back. Mac had left him, he was gone. He wanted nothing more to do with Dennis. He'd hurt him too many times and Mac had finally realized that his life would be much better without him.

He was out of breath. «Dennis? Hey, Dennis!»

Dee rushed to his side. «Hey, look me in the eye.» Dennis turned to her. His chest weighted more and more, preventing him from breathing. «Now breathe deeply with me, okay? In and out, one and two.»

Dennis concentrated all his strength on following his sister's breathing. One, two. One, two. One, two.

After a few minutes, his breathing returned to normal.

Dee punched him in the shoulder. «Shit, Dennis, you gotta stop making me worry!»

«Ow! What the fuck are you doing? I just had a panic attack, and you're punching me?» he screamed, massaging his injured shoulder. Damn bird.

«You deserve it! Yesterday you almost gave me a heart attack when you called me in the middle of the night, saying you wanted to kill yourself! So now shut the fuck up and finish eating!»

Dee's eyes clearly showed the terrifying fear she must have felt. Dennis shut up instantly and went back to eating his eggs, now cold.

He finished them after a few minutes and then drank the juice too, under the lapidary gaze of his sister. «There, happy now?» he sneered. He kept to himself the fact that now, with a full belly, he was feeling much better.

«Very» Dee replied, sarcastically. «But let's cut the bullshit. What happened with Mac yesterday?»

The blood froze in his veins. How the hell did she know that? Did Dennis say something last night? But he didn't remember anything.

«I don't know what you're talking about» he said in the most neutral tone possible. He had no intention of talking about it with anyone, let alone his sister.

Dee raised an eyebrow. «Please, Dennis. I'm the person who knows you best in this world, unfortunately for me, and I'm not buying any of this shit. Something happened yesterday, and this _something_ must have happened with Mac, because in your time of need you called me and not him.»

Shit. Was he really that predictable?

«So, now you are gonna tell me everything, or...» Dee took her cell phone out of nowhere. «Or I'm gonna call Mac and get him to tell me. What do you say? You like that idea?»

Goddamn Dee, goddamn her blackmail and goddamn that smug little fucking smile of hers.

If there was one thing Dennis wanted even less than to talk to his sister, it was letting Mac know what happened after he left Dennis at the apartment. The very idea made his stomach twist into knots.

He raised his hands. «All right, all right! You win! Now put the goddamn phone down.»

«See how easy it was?» Dee smugly replied, putting the phone back in her pocket. «So» she crossed her arms around her chest. «What the hell did you do last night?»

Dennis got immediately defensive. «What makes you think that _I_ did something?»

Dee kept staring at him unperturbed. That look was making him nervous. «I don't... I didn't do anything wrong, okay? I don't know why Mac reacted like that. I thought that was what he wanted!» he admitted at the end.

Dee's eyebrows almost reached her hairline. «”What he wanted”? What's that?»

Dennis looked down, suddenly uncomfortable. He clenched his hands. He looked for the best words to explain himself, but couldn't find them.

Dee wouldn't understand anyway. Might as well just say it as it was. «Fucking me, I mean. I thought that if I finally gave in and had sex with Mac, then he'd finally forget about that idiot he calls a boyfriend and things would have gone back to the way they were.»

There was a long minute of absolute silence. Dennis looked up: his sister was looking at him incredulously, her mouth wide open. She seemed in shock.

He cleared his throat. «Mac got angry, though, and he left. He said he didn't want anything to do with me anymore. And then you know the rest» he said, clenching his hands even harder.

Dee finally managed to shut her big bird mouth, then brought a hand to massage her temples. «Wait, let me get this straight» she began in a condescending tone. «Mac got a boyfriend. You become insufferable for weeks – more than usual, I mean – so you decide, unilaterally and completely selfishly, that you want Mac all for yourself, and the best way you could find to do it was to propose to him, out of the blue, to bang?»

Well, as a summary of events, it worked. Dennis nodded.

Dee punched him again, this time on the other shoulder.

«You asshole!» she exclaimed. «Mac's been after you for years, he finally gets interested in another guy, and you decide to do this? How the hell was he supposed to react, huh?»

He massaged his shoulder. If it kept going on like this, he'd have bruises everywhere. «Hey! You're my sister, you're supposed to be on my side!»

Dee ignored him, mumbling something about stupid brothers and their stupid, barbaric ways. «Okay, all right, forget it. What's your plan now?»

Dennis blinked. «Plan? What plan?»

His sister looked at him like he was the dumbest man on Earth. «The plan to win Mac back, of course.»

Dennis's heart lost a beat.

«To win– Dee! Nobody here wants to win anybody back!» Dennis felt his face flush. He knew his sister would get the wrong idea.

«What are you talking about? The whole "wanting to bang Mac" thing, then?» she accused him, confused.

«I never said I wanted to bang Mac!» he replied. «I said _Mac_ wanted to bang me, I just decided to finally go with it!»

There was a pause. «Isn’t that the same thing?»

«No!» he shouted. Why was that so hard to understand?

«You're telling me that you were gonna give yourself to Mac without really wanting to? So in a non-consensual way?»

«What– No!» The mere thought repulsed him. Mac would never agree to do something like that to Dennis without his explicit consent. Mac was not... He wasn't like...

A flash of wrinkled hands and minty breath hit him like a punch in the stomach.

Dennis swallowed the bile that went up his throat. He pushed that memory back into the deepest corners of his subconscious, where it must have remained buried.

Dee's voice brought him back to reality. «So you wanted it» she continued undaunted.

The images from the night before came back to him. When their lips first met, Dennis had felt pure adrenaline pumping through his veins. He had never wanted to hear someone else’s moans so much. He had never felt as alive as he did in that moment, not even while fucking women he didn't give a damn about.

«If you put it like that, then… yes» he finally admitted.

Dee smiled, satisfied. «Well, then I don't see why you shouldn't go to him and confess your eternal love and all that bullcrap. Everybody wins, and I'll never have to listen to your drama again.»

Oh, Jesus Christ. «”My eternal love”?» Dennis laughed in her face. «Dee, what the fuck are you talking about? I'm not in love with Mac, please.» That was a ridiculous thought. Where did that come from? She was fucking with him, right? «I have standards. And I'm not gay» he quickly added after a second.

«Mm-hmm, sure.»

That smug little smile had returned on her face. He wanted to punch it. «Dee, you know I'm not gay. Do I have to show you my tapes to remind you?» he replied angrily.

«There are some things called “repression” and “hypersexuality”. You've taken psychology classes too, you should know.»

« _I_ did psychology, unlike you, and I finished my degree, unlike you. And don't psychoanalyze me!» he growled.

«Sure, sure» she shushed him. «You're straight. Straight and in love with Mac.»

«I'm not in love with Mac!» he growled. He was feeling more and more cornered, and he didn't like that. «Why the fuck would you think that?»

Dee got up of her chair. «I'm glad you finally asked!»

She rushed into the living room and came back a moment later with a tripod pulled out from who knows where. She put it in front of him. Written on the board, there was a dotted list, decorated here and there with some obnoxious little heart. In the middle, at the top, was written in big letters " _Reasons why yes, you're in love with Mac, you moron_ ".

Dennis's mouth dried up. «What the... What the hell is this?»

Dee pulled a retractable metal stick out of a drawer near her. «Oh, you have no idea how long Charlie and I have dreamed of doing this. Too bad he's not here. The hearts were his addition, by the way. He was very insistent on doing them.»

Dee cleared her throat and straightened her back. Oh, no. Dennis knew that pose. Please, no. Anything but that. Anything, but a goddamn trial against him.

«Mr. Reynolds» Dee said in a guttural voice that should have given her authority. In reality, it just made it sound like she had a sore throat. «You are hereby summoned here today to defend yourself, as is your right, against the following accusation: that you are in love with your best friend, Mr. Ronald Mcdonald, who is not present here with us, and to whom we shall henceforth refer as “Mac”. Do you deny it?»

That was ridiculous. «Of course I deny it. This is bullshit. You said that you and Charlie had wanted to do this for a long time? Is Charlie involved, too?»

Dee hit him with the stick. «Watch your language, Mr. Reynolds! And just answer the questions you're being asked!»

Dennis massaged his offended arm. He would have come out of that house in a worse shape than he had come in, for sure.

«As I was saying» his sister continued, «you are accused of being in love with Mac. And here's the proof!» The stick hit the board repeatedly to emphasize her words.

«Point number one» the stick moved to the first dot «you have lived with Mac for about 20 years. Can you confirm that?»

«Really, Dee? Don't you already know the answer?»

«Answer the question!» Dee commanded, pointing the stick at him.

«Yes!» he hurried to answer. «But I don't see how that means anything. A lot of people live with their friends.»

«Not if you're forty.»

«Charlie and Frank live together, too!»

«Yes, but there's a good chance they're father and son, so they're an exception. Plus, they're just weird. You, on the other hand, have had a lot of chances to stop living with Mac, and yet you still do. Do you deny it?»

Dennis thought of that time of many years earlier, when he and Mac failed miserably in their attempt to live apart. He thought of when he married Maureen Ponderosa and kicked Mac out of the apartment, only to regret it immediately and want him back. He thought of North Dakota, how every day that passed he felt more and more on edge, how in the last days, before he was finally kicked out of Mandy’s house, not even the presence of his son could calm him down and stop him from drinking almost every night. He thought about how Mandy was an angel but didn't notice when Dennis spent days without eating or taking his pills, or how she wasn't able to make the right jokes when they decided to see a movie or to compliment him on days when he felt his advancing age weight on his shoulders more than usual.

Living with Mac was essential to him. He needed his presence to constantly reassure him that there was at least one person in the whole goddamn world that really gave a damn about him.

«...No» he finally replied.

Satisfied with the answer, Dee moved on to the next point. «You and Mac go out on a date every month, just the two of you, to the best restaurant in Philadelphia. Do you confirm?»

Dennis squirmed on the chair. «I wouldn't call them "dates". We just go out on a dinner, as friends. What's wrong with that?»

«Oh, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. But you'll agree with me that getting up and serenading your supposed friend in front of the whole restaurant isn't exactly platonic behavior, is it?»

«What? No– I– I– It's out of context and you know it!» he stammered.

«At least half the people in there thought it was a really weird marriage proposal, but okay, sure, it's out of context» Dee shushed him, moving on to the next point. «You've never, in your life, had a long-term relationship with a woman. You’ve never given a shit about any of the women you’ve slept with, not even the ones you’ve tried to have a semblance of a romantic relationship with.»

«Dee, you're the one who's an icy bitch who can't stay in the same relationship for more than two weeks!»

«Irrelevant» she replied, as if she had already expected that reply. «I'm a free, independent woman who doesn't need no man, thank you very much, while you on the other hand have never sought a serious relationship with anyone because you don’t have room emotionally for them, since you are already "emotionally involved with Mac". Am I wrong?»

Oh no. That was a low blow. Those were the exact same words that he and Mac used when they tried to make Mandy think that Dennis was gay. Dee knew that they were fake. He wasn't romantically involved with Mac. He just didn't feel the need to try to get married and settle down with someone after the Maureen Ponderosa's fiasco. That prospect didn't appeal to him at all anymore. He was fine like that, with the usual casual sex, no attachments, because at the end of the day he would come home to Mac, where the sense of oppression and inner emptiness would finally settle down at least a little.

Oh God.

Dennis' face was on fire.

«Your silence is more than enough of an answer» Dee continued. «So, next point... Ah, yes!» She took the marker that was attached to the tripod and added two more points to the list: "Sex with Mac" and "Ted".

Dee put down the marker and picked up the stick. «We've already discussed the first point at length, so I won't talk about it any further. I'd just add as a note that you and Mac have already masturbated together in the past. Very clear straight behavior» she added sarcastically.

Dennis swallowed. There was no point in trying to defend himself against that accusation, because as usual Dee would turn the tables on him.

Of course, he and Mac have occasionally masturbated together in the past. So what's the big deal? Dennis only did it because it made him feel powerful. Seeing Mac get that excited about his sexual prowess made his ego grow ten sizes. And if sometimes he wanted to turn Mac’s attention on him and make him come by watching the real Dennis and not the one in the videos, that was none of his sister's business.

He remained silent.

Dee's stick pointed to "Ted". «You're clearly jealous of Mac's new boyfriend. Frankly, I don't understand how that fact alone didn't open your eyes, Mr. Reynolds.»

Dennis swallowed. «I'm not... I'm not jealous of Ted» he tried to defend himself.

«You're not?» Dee asked. «Then why every time we talk about him, you become insufferable? How come you can't stand him?»

«Because he's a boring person, that's why. There's nothing special about him» he explained. He didn't care about him at all, so why should he listen to Mac talk about him? He didn't give a shit.

«Oh, but I don't remember you ever reacting like that to the girls Mac used to date in the past.

Is it because Ted's a man?»

Actually, it really didn't make any sense, Dennis had to give her that. He had asked himself that same question more than once lately. «I think so» he admitted in front of the evidence.

«Do you consider yourself a homophobe, Mr. Reynolds?»

The question startled him. His immediate answer would obviously have been no. He wasn't homophobic and he never had been. He didn't have a problem with same-sex couples, and he didn't have a problem with other men hitting on him, either. But...

But ever since Mac came out and started actively dating other men, something had cracked. He couldn't stand hearing about it. Just the thought of Mac with a man disgusted him. He'd once found him making out with a guy on the couch in their living room, and it made all hell broke loose. Mac accused him of being a hypocrite because Dennis brought women home all the time, but Dennis stood his ground. Mac hadn't brought any strangers into their apartment since then. On the other hand, he spent a lot more nights out doing who knows what. Dennis didn't know what was worse.

Ted, though, was a complete other story. He hated him. He couldn't stand him at all. He was sure that if he found him in front of himself, he'd strangle him on the spot.

But the fact was that he didn't really know him. He'd barely seen him a couple of times, he didn’t even ever talk to him. He hated him on principle, just because he was going out with Mac, because he took him away from him.

Then, realization struck him. He didn't hate Ted because he was homophobic. He hated Ted because...

He stood up. His head was spinning. «Oh my fucking God» he cursed. «I'm in love with Mac.»

His ears started ringing. No, it couldn't be true. No, no, no, no, no, no.

He saw Dee raise her arms in victory. «Fuck yeah, it worked! You guys are finally gonna stop annoying us with your eternal drama. We couldn't stand it anymore, really.»

Dennis ignored her. He started laughing hysterically. «No, I can't be in love with Mac. No. This is a joke, right? It's got to be a joke.» He brought his hands to his face. His eyes were filling with tears that he couldn't stop. He started to shake. Fuck.

Her sister must have noticed, because she stopped being her usual bird self and stayed quiet. Her hand went resting on Dennis' shoulder. «Hey, Dennis, that's a good thing, right? Now you and Mac can bang like rabbits whenever you want to. Not in the pub, though. If I find out you're banging in the pub, I'll cut both your dicks off.»

Dennis sniffed. «Dee, you bitch, can you be less gross when you're trying to comfort me? You really suck at being a sister.»

«As if you're better as a brother» she replied, but she also started stroking his shoulder to try and calm him down. It partially worked.

That revelation had broken a dam he didn't even think he had. He could feel his chest burst. His stomach had turned into snakes tangled up in each other. He wanted to tear his heart out and never feel anything again.

«Mac is gone» he muttered, more to himself than Dee. Mac was gone, he didn't want to see him anymore, and now it was too late, too late to do anything, too late to go back, and Dennis would be alone and heartbroken, and he wouldn't know what to do with himself, no, especially after this epiphany of his, and then he would... he would...

Dee shook him hard. «Look me in the eyes!» she ordered. Dennis realized he was about to have another panic attack. He looked up at her. «I haven't spent the last twenty – no, thirty! – years of my life watching you two dance around each other to watch you fuck it all up and do nothing! And the mere thought of having to put up with even more years of pining wants to make me kill you both!» Dee grabbed both his shoulders and looked at him, determined. «Mac is so in love with you it’s disgusting. He looks like a puppy wagging his tail every time he's near you, it's embarrassing. Not even what you did last night can erase his complete obsession with you. But» she pointed her index finger straight to his face «what you did was awful, and now he won't forgive you easily. So you have to make a big gesture to convince him that your intentions are sincere this time. Is that clear?»

Dennis wiped the trails of tears streaming down his cheeks with a trembling hand. «Do you... do you really think he'll forgive me?» he asked hesitantly.

For a moment , his sister's eyes softened. «Mac has forgiven you way worse things in all these years. You're still two codependent idiots, as always.»

It was true. He and Mac were horrible for each other. They did such awful things to one another that two normal people would have cut ties long ago.

But maybe that was their strength. They had already seen the worst of each other, yet they continued to be together, they continued to be inextricably bound together.

Dennis took a deep breath. He could only pronounce a trembling «okay».

Dee smiled. She took her cell phone out of her pocket. «Great. Time to call Charlie.»


	8. Chapter 7

«I can't believe you did it without me.»

Charlie was standing on Dee's doorstep, arms folded, with an expression on his face that made him look like someone who had been stabbed not just one, but ten times in the back. «We had a plan, Dee! Wait until Dennis confessed of wanting to kill or seriously injure Ted so we could use that opening!» He pulled a crumpled piece of paper out of his jacket pocket, on which were drawn two small figures with ugly rainbow hats on their heads. «We had matching hats! I even wrote a song for the finale!»

Dennis shuddered. Thank God he'd at least avoided an embarrassment like that. Sometimes Charlie got too carried away with his artistic side.

«I know, I know, but it was an _emergency_ » replied Dee, hitting Charlie not so subtly with an elbow to emphasize the last word.

They exchanged firm looks, accompanied by a progression of increasingly absurd eyebrow movements, as if they were communicating in some secret language only they could understand.

It looked like they were having a stroke.

Then, after a particularly solemn eyebrow raised by Dee, Charlie looked down and saw Dennis' badly bandaged hands. He instinctively hid them behind his back, but by then the damage was done. Not that he had hoped to hide them from Charlie or anyone else for long, but seeing his friend's pitiful gaze made him uncomfortable. He hated with all his heart to be weak, and those marks on his hands were nothing but signs of his weakness. They were a physical and tangible demonstration of how he was dominated by his emotions. He wanted to scratch his damn hands until the cuts were gone.

«Oh» was Charlie's only comment. Then, silence. The cuts itched irritatingly. Dennis clenched his jaw until his teeth creaked.

Dee watched him out of the corner of her eye and her mouth closed in a line, as if waiting for him to snap, but Charlie did not seem to notice the tension in the air. Or, if he did notice, he was very good at playing the part of the dumb idiot. Dennis sometimes really didn't understand what was going on in his friend's head. «Whatever» he shrugged, «as long as it worked. And it's about fucking time!» He started gesturing wildly in all directions. If he was that excited, Dennis thought, that meant he'd been sniffing glue. Again. «Bro, I swear, I wasn't gonna last much longer. Mac's been venting on me like a 14-year-old girl on a first crush for years, and it was getting really annoying. Not even all the cat food in the world could knock me out enough to save me from his pining, really.» He pointed an accusatory finger at him. «It's all your fault, all you've done lately is treat him like shit and tell him how much you hate him! No wonder he thinks it's because he's gay and it bothers you!»

Dennis flinched. He knew very well that he had pushed Mac away with his actions and his constant words of hate, that on his face appeared an expression more and more wounded and resigned every time Dennis denied him even the slightest physical and emotional contact. Yet they had not always been like that. There have always been arms around each other, legs touching when they sat next to each other, whether it was at a table or on the couch in their living room, hands that cupped Mac's face as soon as Dennis noticed he was about to lose his temper, hands that forced him to concentrate only on Dennis and calmed him like nothing else.

Where did those Macs and Dennis go? Dennis swallowed.

«Yes, I know» he finally said. His voice came out hoarse. He cleared his throat.

Charlie watched him for a few moments, his forehead wrinkled in deep concentration. Then, suddenly, a smile was printed on his face. «Bro, seriously, it's about time you stopped being such an asshole. Now you can finally go to Mac and apologize! And get laid! I don't want to know the details, gross, but good for you anyway!» he exclaimed, raising his hand and leaving it hanging there in mid-air. Dennis stared at it for a long time without saying a word. Charlie huffed and lowered it, irritated.

Behind Charlie, Dee clasped her hands together. «Quit fucking around, we got work to do here! The sooner this plan goes through, the sooner you guys will clear my house and leave me alone, so let's cut to the chase.» She turned to Dennis and put her hands on her hips. «What are you going to do?»

And there it was, the million dollar question. Dennis had no idea. He was still processing the fact that he'd apparently been in love with his best friend for who knows how many years without realizing it, give him a break.

But he was sure of one thing: he was going to do something big, Mac was going to regret ever having decided to be with someone else and Ted was going to eat dust.

«Charlie» he said resolutely, «I need you to do a couple things for me.»

*

«Bro, are you absolutely sure of what you're about to do? I think he's gonna take it as a joke.»

Dennis tightened his grip on Dee's foundation. He took one look at Charlie, sitting in the back seat, through the mirror he was using to put the make-up on. «He's not gonna take it as a joke, all right? Why the hell would he take it as a joke?» he said irritably. They've been arguing about it for at least half an hour, why couldn't they understand?

Dee, sitting next to him on the driver's side, was rubbing her temples. «Because one, it's so cliché, and two, you picked the worst song ever. You know it has a specific meaning, right?»

«It's a perfectly normal song. And it's perfect for the occasion!» he shouted. «You don't understand shit!»

Dee and Charlie rolled their eyes at the same time, but Dennis ignored them. He didn't care what they thought. They didn't have his class, and their comments showed it. He was gonna do great, and they were gonna shut the fuck up.

He went back to look himself in the mirror and tap the foundation on his cheeks. The quality of his sister's make-up sucked, she probably bought it at the supermarket and the shade wasn't even the right one for his natural skin color, but Dennis would have to make do with it. He was used to it anyway. In high school, when he was still living at his parents’ home and hadn't started yet to buy makeup for himself, he was always stealing Dee's. Of course, he never missed an opportunity to tell her exactly what he thought of it, now as then. And, now as then, Dee threatened to never let him use it again, since he hated it so much, and Dennis never dared say another word.

He put the foundation down, carefully looking at himself from all angles. He needed more mascara. Yes, definitely more mascara. He took it, unscrewed the cap and started applying it on his eyelashes.

«You've already did this, dude. Twice.»

«Shut up, Charlie» he growled. What did Charlie know about make-up? Nothing, that's what. It wasn't his fault if that the mascara was half-dried and couldn't be applied properly, or if his lipstick didn't moisturize enough and his lips were still dry, or if his cheekbones could be even more defined, or if his hair became a mess again as soon as he made the slightest movement. It wasn't his fault.

Dee's hand suddenly grabbed his wrist and stopped it in mid-air, his mascara just inches from his eye. «Dennis, it’s ok, that's enough.»

His sister's eyes were hard, fixed on him, as if they could read his mind. Dennis put his hands down and released a trembling sigh. He hadn't noticed how tense his muscles had been until then. He tried to relax.

He turned to the back seats, resolute. «Are you ready, Charlie?»

«Yeah, bro, I was waiting for you!» he answered exasperatedly. «So, can we go?»

Dennis nodded. «Yeah, let's go.»

The three of them opened the doors of Dee's car and set foot on the street. Right in front of them, in one of the many grey buildings in Philadelphia, was that asshole Ted's apartment. «Are you sure this is the correct address?» Dennis asked once again. He had to be one hundred per cent sure, and Charlie wasn't exactly the most reliable source.

«Yes, Dennis, I've told you a thousand times, this is the address! Mac sent it to me yesterday when he told me he was going to stay to Ted for a while. He said that you've had a fight, but he didn't tell me the details.» Charlie took a fleeting look at Dennis' hands. He felt them contract involuntarily.

He decided to change the subject. «Just tell me that stereo under your arm isn’t taken from the trash.»

Silence.

«...You took it from the trash, didn't you?»

«Where else was I supposed to get a stereo, huh?» Charlie shouted, clearly defensive. «In a shop? And spend useless money when people are throwing away a stereo that is still in perfect conditions?»

He took a deep breath. This was no time to make a scene, especially not in the middle of a busy street. «Tell me you at least tried it and it works well.»

More silence.

Dennis beat his foot on the ground, renouncing at all pretensions of composure. «What the fuck, Charlie!» he shouted.

«Sorry if you asked me to get a stereo as soon as possible just an hour ago! You should be thanking me!»

«If it doesn't work, it's all gonna be for nothing!»

«Stop yelling!» shouted Dee, in her bird high-pitched voice. «You're putting on a show in the middle of the street! Everybody's watching!»

«I knew I shouldn't have trusted you!»

«Next time find your own free stereo!»

«What the fuck is going on here?»

Everybody went still.

Dennis looked up slowly. There, looking out from a window of the third floor, was Mac. He was obviously pissed off about the noise, but as soon as he saw them, his face became an impenetrable mask. The look he gave Dennis was as hard as stone. He had bags under his eyes, a sign that he'd been up all night. Dennis swallowed.

«What the hell are you doing here? I told you not to look for me.» His voice was freezing cold. Dennis felt his stomach twist.

«Mac, I...» He froze. His head had suddenly gone blank, not a word that would come forward. He didn't know what to say.

He heard Charlie at his side answer for him. «We came here to make you two make up, of course.»

Mac kept his eye on Dennis. He laughed a hollow laugh. «”Make up”? Then I hadn’t been clear enough. I'm fucking done of being a loyal little dog who does everything for that bone of consolation he gets thrown sometimes. Go the fuck away.»

«Hey, asshole! We came all the way over here for that, so now you listen to us!» Dee shouted back.

«Nobody asked you, and I don't give a shit!»

«Hey, Mac, what's going on?»

Suddenly, Ted peeped by Mac's side. He was looking at the other, worried. Dennis felt his blood start to boil.

«Nothing, don't worry» Mac replied, waving at him to make him go back inside the apartment. Ted, however, turned in the direction of Mac's gaze and saw Dennis. His eyes widened. «Isn't that your dickhead of a friend?» he asked in an almost disgusted tone. «Forget about him» he continued. He put his hand on Mac's arm, possessive.

At that sight, something in Dennis's brain snapped. That fucker wasn't gonna win, no matter what.

«Charlie!» he exclaimed. «Turn on the stereo!»

Charlie did exactly that, then raised it as high as he could with his arms. Dennis plugged in his cell phone, selected the song he had carefully chosen for the occasion and pressed play, praying that the stereo would work. Luckily, by some divine miracle, it started croaking the first notes.

" _We're not strangers to love_

 _You know the rules, and so do I..._ "

Some passers-by who had stopped, intrigued by all that noise, began to film the scene. Someone started giggling. All the better, he would have forever had the moment of his triumph saved digitally, probably also uploaded on the internet.

" _I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling_

_Gotta make you understand_

_Never gonna give you up_

_Never gonna let you down..._ "

Dennis opened his arms in a triumphant gesture. A serenade had been a simple but surely effective idea. Mac couldn't be able to resist such a romantic gesture.

He look back at Mac, who, for his part, seemed... confused?

«Dennis» Mac said after a moment, his eyebrows raised, wrinkling his forehead. «Are you trolling me?»

Dennis opened his mouth wide. «Trolling? Are you asking me if I'm trolling you?» he sputtered. Dee and Charlie, side by side, whispered to him at the same time, «we told you so» in a tone far too presumptuous for his taste.

He raised his arms to the sky. «Goddamn Internet! It ruined a classic forever!» he protested, outraged. «It's obviously a fucking serenade, do you really think I'm trolling you?»

«Well, the song is what it is, of course I– wait, did you say _serenade_?»

Mac's expression changed instantly. His eyebrows were still raised in confusion, but now the coldness of his eyes had given way to a softer expression.

«Yes, you idiot, it's _obviously_ a serenade» Dennis continued. He took a deep breath. Everything depended on his next words. «Mac, listen, I know you told me you don't want to see me anymore, you don't want to live with me, you don't want anything to do with me anymore, but we both know that's impossible. We've tried it over and over again and it's never worked. And, really, I don't want that.»

He paused. Around him all the passers-by, who had in the meantime formed a circle around them, fell into a deadly silence. Rick Astley continued to sing.

" _We've known each other for so long_

_Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it_

_Inside we both know what's been going on_

_We know the game and we're gonna play it_ "

Dennis, however, was only focused on Mac. Mac, who was looking at him with such intensity that anyone could read on his face what he was feeling: poorly concealed hope.

«I don't want to live with anyone else, I don't want to _be_ with anyone else. Okay, I was an asshole, but only because I didn't realize it yet, but now I _know_. And I know you know it too. Can you forgive me?»

Everyone turned their heads to Mac at once, waiting. Mac, for his part, seemed to be paralyzed, his mouth wide open. Ted gave him a grim look. «You don't think you can forgive him like that, do you? After what he did to you? He's a bastard!»

«Shut up, you!» one of the passers-by suddenly shouted. «Let him think for himself!»

«What the fuck do you know?» Ted yelled.

The crowd started murmuring. Dennis clearly heard someone calling Ted an asshole. He smiled. Finally, the world was agreeing with him.

Without warning, Mac came back from his trance and closed his mouth in a thin line. He had a determined expression on his face.

He turned around and walked back into the house. Ted, confused, followed him. Nobody came out.

Dennis felt his heart sink into the ground. Mac had rejected him. Even though he had apologized, Mac had rejected him and now he would continue to live with Ted while Dennis would be left with nothing, absolutely nothing, just his damn broken heart, and –

The door of the apartment complex opened wide. Mac walked out of it, going straight as an arrow towards Dennis, his eyes hard. He was gonna punch him in the fucking face.

He reached out with one arm to try and stop him. «Mac, wait a minute, I–»

But Mac wasn't listening to him. He grabbed his wrist and lowered his outstretched arm, not letting go. Dennis saw the other hand reach out to his face. He closed his eyes, waiting for the punch.

Against all his expectations, Mac’s hand went to the back of his head. He yanked him forward and kissed him.

Dennis went still. Mac's eyes were closed, his thick eyelashes trembling slightly on his cheeks. His mouth was moving against his. His lips were a bit dry and his beard was stinging him. The hand on the back of his neck was firm, his thumb going slowly up and down, almost tickling him.

His heart was beating like crazy.

Dennis could only vaguely hear the cheering crowd around him. His brain had shut down. The outside world didn't matter. He closed his eyes and immersed himself completely in that kiss. He brought both hands on Mac's cheeks, to feel that beard and those sculpted cheekbones.

One voice rose above the others.

«Hey, what the fuck are you doing?»

That was Ted’s voice. Dennis would kill him with his own hands, right there and now.

To his great regret, Mac interrupted their kiss and turned to the other man. «I'm sorry, Ted, but I never gave a fuck about you.»

At those words, a warm sensation spread from his chest. He decided to remain silent.

«What? You showed up at my house last night because, in your own words, "Dennis is a bastard"! And I consoled you, too!»

Mac shrugged. «True, but that doesn't change the fact that I never _really_ gave a shit about you. I'm sorry. You're great in bed, though!» he finally added, raising his thumbs up.

If looks could have killed, Dennis and Mac would have been dead in that instant.

«Fuck you!» Ted screamed, pointing his index finger at them. «Both of you! You're two fucking bastards, you definitely deserve each other! Fuckers!»

Without another word, he turned around and walked back into the building, slamming the door as hard as he could.

«What an asshole» commented Dee. Charlie nodded in response, turning off the stereo, which had been quiet for a while.

Mac turned back to Dennis with a smile as bright as the sun. «So you're serious? You want us to be together? Cause that's not something from which you can walk away, bro» he said, still holding his wrist and gently caressing his cheek. His eyes were two wells filled with adoration. Dennis felt almost dazed.

He raised his hand and took Mac’s in his. He turned his face and kissed its palm. Mac followed his every move, always with those big puppy eyes of his. Dennis would never get tired of that look directed to him. «Yeah, I'm serious. No games this time.»

Mac didn’t say anything. He grabbed his waist and suddenly lifted him off the ground, as it was the easiest thing in the world. Dennis shrieked by surprise and instinctively put his hands on Mac's shoulders and his legs around his waist. He felt like a koala bear. Judging from Mac's smug gaze, Dennis realized that this had been exactly his purpose. He didn't have time to get angry, though, because Mac's mouth went back on his. Not that he was complaining.

He didn't know how long it had been, but by the time they separated to catch their breath, most of the onlookers had already left, while Dee and Charlie were looking at them with disgust.

«Ew» Charlie grimaced.

«I’m already regretting this. It was better when they were repressed and not making out in public» Dee added.

Mac didn't seem to have any intention of putting him back on the ground, nor he was showing any signs of fatigue. Dennis took that information and put it in a corner of his mind. He would put it in good use later. Very good use. And he had to stop thinking about it immediately if he didn't want to get an erection in the middle of the road.

«Hey, that's homophobic!» Mac replied.

«Very homophobic» Dennis went along, smiling slyly. That was a welcome advantage he hadn't thought of. After all, being homophobic wasn't very nice.

Dee opened her mouth, stunned. «Oh, no, don't play the gay card with us! It's unfair and false, and you know it.»

«If they're going to be a sappy couple 24/7, I could become homophobic specifically for them» Charlie affirmed. «Oh God, I’m living the nightmare I've had since high school, I can't believe it.»

Dennis rolled his eyes. If those two really hated the new development, they shouldn't have helped him confess to Mac. They would have to live with the consequences.

Either way, Dennis had other plans than standing there making out in front of his sister and their best friend. He reached out to Mac and brought his mouth up to ear level so the others wouldn't hear. «If I remember correctly, I still own you a blowjob.»

He heard Mac swallow. «Oh, yeah, definitely.»

«Let's go home, then.»

Mac didn't need to be told twice. Without even putting him back on the ground, he carried him to the car where he finally let him go.

«Hey, wait a minute, what are you...»

They opened the doors and entered the car. Dennis started the engine.

«No no no no no no, STOP !»

«The keys ! I don't have the car keys! When the fuck did he steal them?»

He got out of the parking lot and accelerated.

«DENNIS! DENNIS, YOU FUCKING BASTARD!»

He turned around the corner, and finally he didn't see or hear them anymore.

*

Damn traffic lights. Every goddamn traffic light in the city was against them and decided to never go green. Every single one.

Dennis drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. To say that in that moment he was pissed off was an understatement. Not only did he fucking hate being stuck in traffic, but every red light meant more minutes being added between him and the moment he was finally going to get fucked until he forgot his own name. He was on the verge of getting out of the car and throwing rocks at the fucking traffic lights. The only thing that was partially calming him was Mac's hand, gently squeezing his other hand, the one that wasn't intent on piercing the steering wheel. He too was watching the traffic lights with anticipation, and his leg had been going up and down for at least five good minutes, but he was also massaging his hand with slow, feather-light movements. When he had finally noticed the bandages he hadn't said anything, but a concerned expression had appeared on his face.

Dennis forced himself to stop tapping his fingers and close them around the steering wheel.

The last minutes still seemed like a dream to him. One minute he was more than certain that he had lost any chance of even being friends with Mac, the next they were in the car on their way home to bang. Despite the traffic, however, Dennis refused to pull over in some isolated street and have sex in the car. Neither he nor Mac were young enough to do it anymore, and the last thing he wanted was to get a backache in the middle of the act and remember their first time forever like that. No, he wouldn't accept anything but his soft, spacious bed.

His mind went back to the moment Mac proclaimed in front of everyone that he never gave a damn about Ted. It meant that, all this time, even while Mac was with him, he had never really stopped loving Dennis. He squeezed the other's hand even more.

But wait a minute. If Mac didn't give a shit about Ted, and he was still in love with Dennis, then why...

Oh, goddammit.

The traffic light turned green. Dennis sped up as soon as he heard the car horns in the back of the line signalling him to move.

«Mac» he began, punctuating the word. Neither of them had made a sound for the whole car ride. Mac turned to face him, taken aback. «When you talked about Ted all the time... was it to make me jealous?»

Silence fell again in the car.

Mac scratched the back of his head. He always did it when he was uncomfortable, or embarrassed, or both. «Well... yes» he replied honestly, looking straight out the windscreen.

Dennis couldn't believe it. «Are you telling me I've had to put up with your incessant, boring talk just because you thought I'd get jealous?»

Mac smiled at him. «Yeah, dude, and it worked!»

Dennis... couldn't argue with that, because it was true. Goddamn it.

«Sure, at one point I thought you were just homophobic and hated seeing me with another man for that, but in the end I was right! So much for Charlie thinking I'd just end up making you kill him.»

Of course Charlie knew about that, too.

Finally, they arrived at their street and parked in front of their building. Dennis turned off the engine and turned to Mac. «I've had to put up with _a month_ of incessant chatter because of you. It's time you put that mouth to good use. And I won't be merciful.»

Mac's pupils widened visibly. They just stayed there, staring into each other's eyes, for a few seconds. Then, they got out of the car at the same time and rushed towards the apartment.

Mac found some _very_ convincing ways to make it up to him that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dennis would serenade the shit out of Mac and dines out proves it, I know I'm right  
> Anyway, this is basically the last chapter, but in the next few days I will add an epilogue too!


	9. Epilogue

_One year later_

«One black coffee and a latte, please.»

Ted visibly jumped and turned around. His expression was shocked, his mouth and eyes wide open.

Dennis smiled mockingly.

He put a hand on his chest. «Ted!» he exclaimed, falsely surprised. «I didn't know you worked here!»

Ted took one look at the other man who was with him behind the counter – a guy with tattoos, probably his superior, too close for Ted to make a scene – and clamped his jaw. «Dennis, how _nice_ to see you again» he spat between his teeth. «What a strange coincidence that you walked right into the bar where I work, even though it's on the other side of town from where you live» he continued, not even trying to hide the sarcastic tone.

All the better for Dennis: it meant that this visit was going well. He leaned against the bar counter and moved closer to him. «Well, you know, this morning _my husband_ and I decided to take a walk in the park nearby. It’s almost spring, after all.»

Ted almost choked on his saliva. «Your... husband?»

Dennis flashed his brightest smile. «Ah, haven't you heard?» he asked, faking confusion. He raised his left hand to the level of Ted 's gaze, whose eyes immediately focused on the white gold ring on his finger. «Mac and I got married.»

Boom. Bomb dropped. Now he was just waiting for the explosion.

Ted's left eye began to twitch. «Congratulations, then» he said flat, before turning around and starting making the coffees. He made them in a hurry and with blatant repressed rage, doing a really shitty job. His superior kept his eyes on him the whole time. Dennis was sure he’ll give him a good scolding once he got out. He sneered.

Ted handed the coffees over two minutes later, slamming them violently onto the counter and almost making them spill over. «Here are your coffees. Pay at the register.»

Dennis grabbed them with a smile on his face. «Thank you. I'll tell _my husband_ you said hello. If he even remembers you.»

He savoured Ted's outraged expression for a few moments, then went to the cash register, paid for the heavily overpriced coffees and walked out of the bar triumphant. He had ever been happier to waste his money in a fucking hipster bar.

Mac was standing in front of the door, waiting for him. «Bro, was that really necessary?» he asked, but not in an accusatory tone, extending his hand to take his latte. Dennis rolled his eyes. They'd been together for a year now, even got married, but Mac still called him "bro" or “dude” sometimes. Old habits die hard.

Dennis handed it to him and took a sip of his own coffee. It was watered down and burned. He was going to leave a negative review on TripAdvisor soon. Then the manager would be even more pissed off at that asshole. «"Necessary"? No. Did I want to do it? Absolutely, baby.»

Mac smiled. He took Dennis' left hand in his right hand and started fiddling with his wedding ring. Since they got married – that is, for two weeks now – Mac had not missed a single opportunity to find any excuse to touch his wedding ring, as if he needed to touch a tangible proof of their union to make reassure himself that yes, they really got married, him and Dennis, it wasn't a dream. Dennis always felt an irresistible urge to kiss him in those moments, which of course he did. As he did now.

They kissed slowly and tenderly. Dennis still wasn't used to kissing like that. For him, kissing had always been an act to be done only during sex, or at least with the promise of future sexual performance, and it had always been something he avoided doing if he could. He had never wanted to kiss someone so badly, even if only to exchange a quick kiss or to leave an innocent kiss on the other's hair when they were curled up on the couch watching a movie. If Mac hadn't been by far the most corny and tactile out of the two of them, Dennis would probably have beaten himself up for showing that kind of softness. At least he could still claim to be the more detached and rational of the two.

Mac was the first to break away. The corners of his eyes wrinkled because of his radiant smile. Dennis thought it was adorable. He didn't say it out loud, though, to try to keep what little dignity he had left.

«You're adorable when you're jealous» Mac said. He, of course, didn't have such problems. Mac had always been able to express his feelings for Dennis easily, but ever since they got together even the slightest filter he once had, had been ripped away and he never missed a chance to say what he thought. In part, Dennis envied him. He envied that he didn't give a damn, that he didn't obsess about other people's perception of him and that he didn't consider feelings and their externalisation a weakness. Dennis had managed to reciprocate Mac's "I love you" only on their wedding day, and only in the intimacy of their bedroom – of course, Mac had moved into Dennis's bedroom for good – and only in the post-coital haze. Nevertheless, Mac had looked at him as if he had just given him the moon and kissed him for a long time, holding him close.

«If you say so» he replied, taking another sip of his coffee. «Drink your latte, otherwise it will get cold. If you let it get cold, you’ll have to pay it back.»

«Yes, yes, I know» he cut short. He finally began to drink his latte, always with that smile on his face. His ring shone in the sun. On the inside of that ring, engraved forever, were his initials, _D.R_. . A familiar feeling of warmth settled on his stomach. He squeezed Mac's hand harder, still in his own. He intertwined their fingers together.

«Come on, idiot, I don't want to spend the whole morning in the middle of a sidewalk.»

Mac nodded.

They headed to the park, still holding hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's the end! thank you to everyone, i hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
